Choose Your Way, LLC

People are absolutely my favorite part of living. Each of you are interesting to me.  Everyone has a story and I love to hear those stories.  I once began a career with a company that had all 53 new employes stand and give their name and a bit of their history. One young man stated that he had no story, no history.  On a break later that day, I told him that everyone has a history.  He didn't believe me.  So I told him that if he could have spoken on his second day of life he may have told us, "Man!  You should hear about the day I had yesterday!"  You, reader, have a story.  Perhaps you never had anyone who wanted to hear it.  But you DO have a story. 

 

I named my company "Choose Your Way" because of you.  I have learned that when you choose your own way, your life is truly YOUR life. Sometimes having our own life begins with someone who wants to hear our stories.  It's important for all of us to be heard.  Very human, right?  Having 100% control of your own self, your own decisions, makes all the difference in the world!  So where we started, our growing up years, the influences in our lives, the things missing in our lives, things we learned and peope we've met and those things & people we would just as soon forget are all parts of our story.  Once you clear out the baggage in your own story, you can be true to your authentic self.  I am thrilled to help people find that for themselves.  And it all begins with your story.

 

You, like many other people I have met along the way, may wonder how I can like people at all as you read this very condensed version of my life.  This bio is meant to give you a full picture of how I got to this point in my life. To share with you that I have a story, too.  Some of it will be hard to read.  Believe me when I say that it was harder to live!  I shake my head at some of my mistakes and I cried during the harder times. Maybe you will, too.  But the facts are the facts and this is my story.  

 

I've given you two choices.  The short version and the long version. 

 

My life had been a string of traumatic events followed by bad choices and more traumas.  I felt that I was always living my life because of what other people told me I should or should not be doing.  It was their values and choices I was excercising, not my own.   I felt that I was reacting to old hurts all the time. 

 

I was sarcastic, bitter, hurt and making the worst possible choices.  But on the inside I was scared, lonely, insecure, feeling very unloved and unlovable, and just so very sad. And I kept wondering why I was making those bad choices since "that's not me!"  I began to cut away the unnecessary parts of my life.  I let go of people and habits that were toxic.   

 

A dear friend introduced me to EFT after I had complained loudly about a reaction I had that I knew was a direct result of my past.  She told me I just had to meet this woman in Tampa.  She could teach me something that would allow me to actually let go of the past. I could neutralize the old garbage.  So we went to Tampa a few days later and I learned about Emotional Freedom Techniques.  I was STUNNED that it worked. 

 

I research alot when my interest is piqued by something new.  I allow myself to become immersed until I feel satisfied that I understand the subject.  I absolutely jumped in with both feet to learn about EFT.  While I was learning the science if EFT, I also learned about how emotions work - the mind/body connection - and a little about quantum physics.  Learning the science of how our brains and bodies work was actually fun for me.   

I used EFT to clear away the hurts of my past and fears in my daily life.  Finally there were turning points and I was feeling more authentic. By applying EFT along with my education of how emotions work, how the brain works, and general health, I found that I could change how I was feeling and thinking about things.  That was at once exciting and calming.

 

Then I began to help others.  When I learned that I could get certified in EFT, I trained to become an EFT practitioner.  I have my ADV designation and am working on the next level.  In May 2007, I quit a really nice corporate job to help others full time in my own EFT business. 

 

Today I'm happy.  I have finally found my own way.

 

As far back as elementary school I was interested in helping people be happy and have solutions.   I was always talking to kids who were fighting on the playground.  They would come to me to settle arguments between them.  And I did my best to show compassion and kindness.  I tried to help them each see the other's point of view.  I encouraged them to find their own solutions.  Somehow I knew that if they could find their own way, then they would be much happier with the outcome.  But I was having a hard time finding my own way. 

 

Then I was in junior high.  And everything changed for me.  I was being abused. Actually, that had been going on a very long time.  I tried to tell, but no adult I told could believe that anything bad could be happening in my family.  They said I must be misunderstaning what was happening.  I told school friends.  And I was told, "Barbara, I come to you for solutions and I don't know how to help."  And so I was alone to figure this mess out by myself.

 

I got married young.  Right after I discovered, at age 17, that I was pregnant.  My father yelled, "Nothing ever gets better with you, does it!?"

 

My mother said, "You're going to be the death of me."  And, "You're just hell bound and determined to be punished by God."

 

After my son was born, my parents and my mother-in-law put so much pressure on me and my young husband that we could barely stand it.  Then my parents told me that if I didn't divorce him, they would disown me.  I divorced him around our second anniversary with a heavy heart and alot of tears.  I didn't know what else to do.  I believed I had no choice.  In my house the saying, "It's our way, or the highway," was missing the highway. I never knew the highway existed. 

 

Since they were so wrong about my husband, I wouldn't listen when they said the next guy I was dating was bad news. I dated him even though he had hit me alot and cheated on me alot.  Even even slept with my own sister.  I was 20.  I tried to commit suicide and failed.  Then I married him.   He was very physically abusive and once pulled a gun on me saying, "If you ever tell anyone that I hit you, I'll show you a real beating and then I'll kill you.  Got it!?"  He nearly killed me with the next beating. I got it, then I got out.  We were only married for 3 months.  I started going to therapy sessions on a regular basis.

 

I was beginning to believe that I shouldn't be married when I ran into a high school friend.  I moved in with him.  I got pregnant.  It was an accident but he believed I was trying to trap him and that was the beginning of our end.  He became verbally abusive and violent.  He would hurl things against the walls and crush things to intimidate me.  That was scary to me, but I never thought of leaving.  I never saw that as a choice.  Remember, I was never trained that there was a highway.

 

I had a very difficult pregnancy.  I couldn't work because I was fainting several times a day. I finally had our daughter by emergency c-section.  Less than two months later, and before I was working, her father told me I was no longer welcomed in his house.  It was late at night and I had nowhere to go.  He suggested that I take blankets if I intended to sleep in the yard because the nights get chilly. "But," he assured me, "you're not sleeping another night in this house." I slept with my nursing daughter in my car in his driveway. 

 

In the morning when he found us still there, he told me to get off his property and to stop embarrassing him.  I went to his sister's house and she graciously took us in.  I asked my son's Dad if our son could stay with him.  I explained my situation and he said that would be fine.  I got a call days later from his attorney announcing an emergency custody hearing.  The Dads worked together and both stated they had doubts that I had ever been abused.  My mother helped the Dads by testifying against me, stating in deposition that I had lied about the abuse all along.  Due to my unstable living condition, I lost custody of my son. 

 

I was working within the week.  My daughter's dad asked me to come back to his house.  I did.  His sister had begged me not to, but I loved him.  Besides, I thought "What other choice do I have?  My daughter should know her father." 

 

I left when our girl was under a year old because his abusiveness was getting worse.  And he didn't want me.  He only wanted me not to embarrass him by living with his sister and showing the world that he was not supporting his daughter.

 

Now 23 and wiser (I thought) I made a mental note to never let anyone hit me or to cheat on me and continue to stay with him.  I called those my "walking paper rules."  If either of those things happen, he gets his walking papers.  I was learning!  While I seldom need to discuss the no-cheating rule, I find that I frequently note the no-hit rule.  Hmmm...perhaps there's still a bit of work to do on that one, huh?

 

I settled into a quiet and simple life.   My daughter's Dad began a custody battle to take my daughter.  I met someone around that time, near my 26th birthday.  This guy was great, from a very stable and supportive family.  I fell hard for him.  I could respect him and he was showing me respect, too. He was very supportive as I battled for my daughter.  I was beginning to think this life may work out after all!  I was feeling like I was really growing and learning.   He taught me all about choices. I was figuratively introduced to the highway, given a car and shown how to drive!  Now this was the beginning of freedom for me!   He helped me feel safe sharing my thoughts and expanded my horizon. It was great!

 

I finally went to confront my parents about the abuse.  They disowned me.  I didn't handle being disowned very well and it showed in an ugly way in all areas of my life.  I was fired a week later.

 

My boyfriend said he wanted us to get a place together.  It would save us money.  He wanted to give more support to me.  It was shortly after I was disowned and fired.  We looked at a few places.  I decided I couldn't live with him unless we were married because it just wasn't right for me morally. (I know.  I had no problem before living with someone.  But look at the trouble it brought me that time!)  He broke up with me saying that he felt like he was in the way of my spiritual growth.  And he was being sincere.  I was devestated.  But much to his credit, he actually comforted me through our break-up.  It was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for me.  (Many years later I went to his wedding and was genuinely happy for him and his very lovely bride.)

 

That was a tough two months!  I had run out of money.  I couldn't afford a good attorney and had to change attorneys.  After months of delays on her father's part, he suddenly scheduled our biggest court appearance.  Then, after a vicious 18 month long custody battle I lost custody of  my daughter.   I was 27 and I felt broken.  The emotional pain was unbearable and I wanted to die.  And I tried several times.  Clearly, I failed.  

 

I was still in therapy.  I started wondering why the pain came on in an instant, but it didn't go away the same way.  And if I could identify the source of the pain, why couldn't I manage the stress of it better?  Wasn't there a switch somewhere?  I was studying the bible, reading about and taking lots of college classes on anything and everything I could find about emotional growth, relationships, self-help, nutrition, physical fitness and the impact of all these things on mental health.  My determination was strong to find that switch!

 

I started to learn about how our emotions physically work.  You experience "something."  The "something" is always neutral.  Then your brain flips though all the memories you have stored and finds the closest thing it can relate to the new experience. (That explains deja'vu, too!) The brain then sends out a chemical cocktail for each emotion that matches the old experience.  Now, we're supposed to process our emotions.  This is a system that should work like our digestive system.  You eat, your body pulls out the nutritients it needs and the balance of food gets sent out of your system.  If the memory has good emotions, no problem because we naturally seem to process positive emotions.  But if the memory has negative emotion, you get a toxic reaction. 

 

OK, that's cool information!  That explained why I kept reacting to my past!  That must by the mind/ body connection since chemicals are physical.  That made sense.  After all, if food that should process actually gets stuck in our body it hurts, right?  So it made sense that negative emotions getting stuck would also hurt.  I can feel the emotion "happy" everywhere in my body.  When I felt pride in my kids, my heart would swell. (Still does, actually.)  If I was angry, I could feel the physical reaction - stomach clenching, head pounding, muscles tensing, etc.  Is this the switch, I wondered? 

 

I remained single for 8 years, quietly living and learning. Then I met someone at work in 1998 and we married in 2003.  We went into family therapy to get help with blending our three kids.  It was hard, there were arguments, but I wanted it to work and was willing to work even harder.  I knew this marriage was forever, I was committed to this relationship and it was worth the effort.  But, I was still looking for the switch. 

 

My "gained daughter" hated that I married her father and made everything horrible.  At first.  Then she settled down and I came to love her very much.  Then my own daughter began acting out and everything was horrible again!  Then in the middle of that, my adult son had an accident and broke his neck and suffered a spinal cord injury.  (He's healed to about 75 or 80% today.)  I was feeling tense alot of the time.  Something negative seemed to be bubbling just under my skin.  I was trying to be positive, but I was struggling with my emotions. 

 

One day, I was complaining to a dear friend that an ugly reaction of mine was a direct result of my past.  If I knew where the reaction came from, why didn't it go away?  If I put light on the subject doesn't that clear it up?  When would I finally put all this junk behind me for good!?  I was tired of talking about it, thinking about it, living with it!  I was getting really mad about all this when she said I needed to meet a friend of her's.  Apparently her friend had learned some new "thing" that would help me so that I didn't have to talk about it any more.  It wouldn't bother me any more.  I was feeling so desperate that I said I'd go.  It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

 

The friend had learned EFT.  So we worked on things from my past that were making me hurt, or mad, or sad, or which held any negative emotions.  The bad feeling somehow...melted.  Simply vanished!  It was incredible.  Then fun!!  I worked on every emotional thing I could think of for 3 hours.  

 

I remembered that I had to have blood drawn in a few days.  I was terrified of needles.  I would actually fall apart when faced with needles.  I couldn't drive or work or function on days I had to face a needle. That included people talking about needles, shots on TV, as well as actually going to get a shot or a blood draw.   It was getting worse every year.  Did she think this EFT stuff would help a life-long phobia?  Yep, she knew it would.  So we worked on that for a couple of minutes.  Then when I went to have the blood work done it was as easy as ordering a deli sandwich!  I couldn't believe it!  This was great!!

 

Then I came back to earth.  I wondered how long the effect would work.  Two weeks later I had to have another blood draw.  That would be a great test.  And I tested just fine!  I was fine.  In fact, over the course of some months, I began to see that there were times I had been stressed before but now I wasn't.  Conversations were more relaxed now that I wasn't coiled like a spring waiting for someone to mention needles.  The same thing with watching movies or TV.  I had no idea that  had been so stressed with this fear all of my life until the stress was vanquished. 

 

I was beginning to think there may be something to this EFT.  I began to research EFT.  I wanted to know how EFT actually works on a physical and scientific level so I immersed myself in learning.  I found that I could get training and jumped in with both feet. I have had over 200 hours of professional training with Master practitioners.   I began using it on my own for any and all past issues that came to mind. I was bugging friends, family and strangers to try this cool new tool I had found.

 

In March of 2007 I became certifed in EFT.  In the following May, I left a nice corporate job to begin my business to help other people with what I was now seeing as emotional magic. 

  

In September 2007 my husband announced that he "just doesn't want to be married any more."  We officially separated 10 days later when I left in support of his statement.  My friends looked for me to fall apart.  But I never did.  Don't get me wrong, I'm human.  I felt hurt, angry, like it was unfair, then I wanted to bargain with him.  Finally, after a short few months, I simply accepted that the decision was his to make and I would be just fine.  And I am.  Just further proof to me that EFT is powerfully good.

 

After all the events of my life so far, I have been able to put the pain behind me.  I found the emotional stress/pain switch so that negative things no longer accumulate.  My thinking is so much clearer. Now I enjoy lots of laughter and joy.  People ask me why I'm so happy all the time.  It's simply because I like it!  I chose MY way!  It doesn't get better than that, does it? 

 

I began my business so that I could help others.  To date I have helped over 100 clients with issues ranging from bug fears to a fireman who couldn't get a bad scent out of his memory to physical pains.  I do what I do because it really does help.  My goal is to help people resolve their issues as quickly as possible. And to save my clients as much time, energy, and money as I can. 
 

I hope you find your own freedom.  If you'd like to find out if I can help you reduce your stress and find joy just let me know.  It would be my honor to help you Choose Your Way!   

 

Hugs,

Barbara Lumetta